ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
