i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So vagazzling was a success
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize