It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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