i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're so committed to being not committed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
