I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize