it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
