She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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