And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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