Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
