You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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