Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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