Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
50% drunk capacity currently
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
