She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
