It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
