mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think i have two assholes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
