i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
