i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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