i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two words: blizzard sex
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
