I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
