Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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