Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
