Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
