My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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