What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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