my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
