his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
