So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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