I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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