come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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