im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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