Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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