when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
