Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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