Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
