Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
