I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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