My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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