He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
