I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
