He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
