And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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