The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
