I faked an abortion last night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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