I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
