oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
