Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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