We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
