Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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