the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
