You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
