i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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