the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
