Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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