When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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