I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
