so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize