I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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