Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
