I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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