Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i out mim tonsoeep
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