Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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