You're my little dorito
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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