At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
