DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
