there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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