Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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