I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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