I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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