Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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