Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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