i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
NoShamevember. You game?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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