Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
