We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
