she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
