You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
