So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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