forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
