if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
