her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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