so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
