I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
