i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
