you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
